Texas Lou

Today is rough.  Yesterday was rough.  I’ve been discovering that there is so much I don’t know and so much I need to learn to even come close to feeling comfortable at my new job.  Javascript, SQL, Jquery, CSS…the list goes on and on.  Of course I know tiny bits and pieces of these languages and concepts and can infer alot because of my programming background but I still feel like I’m drowning in a sea of inexperience and anxiety.

I want to quit because quitting is easy.  I want to find an easy job.  But another part of me refuses to take the easy route or be a quitter or work for a lower salary when I’ve become accustomed to the amount of money I make now.  I am trying to teach myself and learn from coworkers and Ben, but why does everyone else seem to get it easier and faster than me?  I’m tired of being the person that is constantly asking questions and needing someone to hold my hand through every little process.

I told Ben I’d give it 3 more months here and evaluate how much I’ve grown and learned.  I’m afraid I’m in the wrong job or the wrong field but I don’t know if that fear is based in reality or based in the exhaustion of anxiety about not being able to do my job or do it well.  I know I’ll feel so much stronger and confident if I can hold on and work through being inexperienced but in the meantime, every minute I spend at work is filled with terror, frustration, and anxiety.  I’m just waiting for things to get easier.